By Malea Jones
Ladies, have you ever wondered why your men do the things they do; why do they cheat, lie, avoid phones calls and spend more time with their friends than with you? After speaking to the male student body, they have made it clear that they don’t have an answer to any of these questions.
When asked about their reasons for cheating, initially, the most common responses were “I don’t know” and “because it was convenient”. However, I received some interesting feedback from about three students. In a nutshell, I was told that the kind of girls they are typically attracted to are the “wifey” types. According to them, the “wifey” is a female who has the qualities of a wife, which means they hold themselves to a higher standard than the average females of our generation. These females tend to dress a bit more conservatively, the color of their fingernails tend to be pastels or earth tones, they converse about mature subject matter, seldom making time for irrelevant topics, and refuse to allow anyone to cross certain personal boundaries or disregard their moral values and principles. Although this self confidence and respect is sought after, these young women’s unwillingness to “put out” or engage in sexual acts early on in relationships tends to be their downfall. Consequently, the male tends to look elsewhere for sexual relief while staying in the relationship, as it is still emotionally and mentally stimulating.
Lying was a controversial topic for the guys to discuss with me. They didn’t want me to know their “secrets.” However, I learned that they lie about the smallest things in the beginning of relationships just to see how easy it would be to lie about bigger things. Quite a few members of the male student body have lied about things as simple as their age, their name, how many brothers and sisters they have, and the list goes on. They’ve also lied about past relationships, past mistakes they’ve made, and their interests in settling down as opposed to giving in to the temptation of other females. Interestingly enough, one guy–supported by his friends–compared dating to filling out a job application. A student who described himself as being in a long term relationship said, “Jobs don’t hire you if you have a criminal record, so why would a girl fool with you if you have a bad relationship record, or if her friends is talking bad about you? Who you think she gone believe? If you want to get her, than you have to give her what she wants and tell her what she wants to hear.” I challenged this statement by reminding him that just like jobs, females can do background checks. The majority of the female student body concluded that they would be more upset by hearing about their man’s untrustworthy behaviour from friends and foes than they would be if he would’ve stepped up and been honest from the very start.
As my comment began to lead to a rebuttal, I quickly changed the subject to what I thought would’ve been a lighter topic. When asked about their reasons for avoiding phone calls, I received some astonishing responses. It was almost as if they had these reasons memorized and posted next to their bathroom mirrors like some sort of creed or code of conduct. They provided me with a ten-finger list.
Reasons for avoiding contact with “her” :
1. She nags.
2. She talks too much.
3. She always wants to talk about her feelings.
4. We are not supposed to talk on the phone, we are supposed to text.
5. If she hears me having fun without her, she will get mad and I don’t want to deal with that.
6. She always calls and then starts talking to the people in the background and I don’t have time for that.
7. She always finds a way to turn a happy conversation into a yelling match.
8. I don’t like when she calls and she is with her friends because they always talk mess, and she just joins them.
9. She always seems to call when I’m busy doing something.
10. All I want to do is cupcake (flirt, mostly late night, with a soft tone of voice)
It became very clear to me that these guys only like to be called when they are ready, not a minute after or a second before.
Which leads me into my final topic, “bromance.” The definition of bromance, according to Urban Dictionary, is the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. For example, they would rather play basketball than take their girlfriend on a date or just cuddle with them on the couch. Playing Xbox and watching the football game with the “fellas” is much more appealing to them than playing parcheesi or pick up sticks and going to the mall with his girlfriend. Lastly, he’d rather introduce his friend to his parents than his girlfriend, even if he knew her for much longer than that guy he plays ball with every Saturday. Once again, their answer was simple and direct, “girlfriends are too mushy and complicated.” According to the male student body, girlfriends are cool to hang out with for about an hour or two, but the guys can hang out all night. Apparently, not all girlfriends are willing to play house and let them watch the game or play Xbox, while being happy with just their presence, because he could be “chilling” with his boys or with any other girl in the world.
Ladies, I advise you to take this information in consideration when choosing your next boyfriend or before getting too upset with your current one for these behaviors. I’m not saying allow him to get away with it, but I am simply suggesting a mild alternative to the yelling and stressing yourself out. Let’s be honest, while you are stressing out, he is having a great time. Why shouldn’t you be able to do the same? Try this: the next time he’d rather spend time with his friends, you suggest spending some time with your friends in a highly male populated area, such as the mall, a club, First Fridays, or concerts. While you’re at chosen location, do not answer your phone when he calls. If he really cares about you, your presence around other guys instead of him, and your blatant refusal to answer the phone will be extremely bothersome to him. He will be upset, but that’s the whole point of this plan. Allow him to feel how you do when he does this to you.
As far as cheating goes, if he hasn’t done so yet, don’t bring it up and don’t accuse him of doing so unless you’ve seen inappropriate behavior with your own eyes. Generally, there are only two people in a relationship. With that said, your friends’ opinions, or the gossip about him, are irrelevant unless he tells or shows you otherwise. This is not to be confused with allowing yourself to be naive and blinded by love; however, in high school relationships, guys assume that women won’t trust them even if they are behaving honorably in the relationship. Ladies, this is not always the case. We need to go into relationships expecting the best from our partners, not the worst. Give him a chance to be honest with you, and if he doesn’t, then I’d advise you to move on. Any relationship without trust, won’t last and is not worth investing in.
In conclusion, every relationship is different, however, if you took interest in this article you have nothing to lose. So why not try a few of my suggestions. If your relationship does not improve, and you have honestly tried to understand his point of view, then…LET IT GO! At the end of the day, this is just one high school relationship that didn’t work out. There will be plenty more to come and plenty more lessons to learn.